JOANNA CAREW

How I learned about negotiation — in 20 minutes, with fake money, and real pride 🎯💵

At 22:43 the night before Day 2 of Elite Dental Leaders, a WhatsApp message dropped in:

📎 Book Deal – CONFIDENTIAL Brief (AGENT)

No explanation. Just an instruction to read it carefully.

Inside, I discovered I was now Pat Midler, a top literary agent with a brilliant but idealistic author.

📘 One publisher left in the running.
📗 One shot at the deal.
📕 My author won’t sign for less than $50,000.

With all the other publishers having pulled out the pressure was on to do a deal … and apparently, this had something to do with dental leadership 😅🤪

The Morning

My class mates and I arrived in the room, some of us half-caffeinated, all of us buzzing with questions. Then Hassan walked in, smiling.

“You’ve had the brief. You’ve got 20 minutes. Half of you are agents. Half are publishers. These are your pairs, now go make some deals!”

No guidance. No slides. No warm-up. Just: sit down, and negotiate.

The Deal

I was paired with “Dana Harper,” the publisher — played by another practice owner, fully in character.

We sat down. I smiled. They didn’t. Game on.

I kept calm. Asked open-ended questions. Mirrored. Labelled. Let the silences sit, even when they felt awkward.

Bit by bit, I nudged the number up. Finally — 18 minutes in — we landed: $180,000.

I was buzzing. I’d more than tripled the minimum. Deal done.

I was mentally high-fiving myself and stifling my smiles when we stopped the clock.

And Then…

We debriefed and that’s when I found out Dana’s actual budget: $350,000.

Cue the thud in my stomach. I’d gone in thinking $180k was a huge win — and yes, it was solid. But I’d anchored too low. I’d played too safe. And I hadn’t tested the ceiling. It was humbling. And exactly the lesson I needed.

The Missing Piece

Sitting in the conference room Hassan took figures from all of the pairs, the best was $350,000 – from cut throat Ravi who’d anchored high at $1 million, and the worst $12,500 from Kunal who’d been annihilated!

Then Hassan introduced us to the work of Chris Voss, ex-FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference.

Suddenly, the instincts I’d fumbled my way through had names:

🔁 Mirroring – Repeating key phrases to buy time and draw the other side out.
🧠 Labelling – “It sounds like the risk is a concern.”
🤐 Tactical silence – Giving space for the real stuff to surface.
🎯 Calibrated questions – “How am I supposed to present that to my client?”

Turns out I’d used some of these — without knowing it. I’d also missed others that might have unlocked that extra $170k.

Why It Mattered More Than the Money

It wasn’t about the fake book deal, it was about how we show up in real conversations:

• When an associate asks for a pay rise.
• When a patient challenges a fee.
• When a supplier won’t budge.
• Even when putting the kids to bed!

And how often we go in too quick, too polite, too eager to close — instead of getting curious, holding space, and really, really listening.

What You Can Try Tomorrow

Here’s your mini Voss toolkit for your next difficult conversation:

1. Mirror.
   Repeat 2–3 key words they just said.
   Them: “We’re not sure this is affordable.”
   You: “Not sure it’s affordable?”
2. Label.
   “It sounds like you’re worried about the long-term cost.”
   “It seems like this is a sensitive topic.”
3. Ask a calibrated question.
   “How can we make this work for both of us?”

Then pause. Let the silence work.

Final Thought

I walked into that room thinking I was just doing a role-play. I walked out realising I’d just lived through a version of every awkward, tense, high-stakes conversation I’ve ever had as a leader.

Yes — I was proud of my $180k deal, and that we both felt great about the relationship we had built and the deals we’d struck.

Yet, now armed with knowledge and tools I have seen I can still build good relationships but also use tactical negotiation techniques to work smarter and secure better deals.

Because whether you’re negotiating a book deal or a bonus review — you only get what you have the courage and skills to ask for.

I just need to practise, practise, practise in low stakes situations, so when the chips are really down, I’ll be a kick-ass negotiator and never split the difference!