JOANNA CAREW

As part of the work identifying values and purpose, I found that much of my core ideology is derived from the teachings of a wonderful man, my late father, Barry Thirkettle.

Whilst Barry’s life was regrettably short – falling terminally ill with cancer in his late thirties – Barry’s time on this planet has left a legacy for his four children, I couldn’t be prouder to call him my Dad.

Barry had an English father and German mother, and spent the majority of his childhood living in Germany and Belgium. He moved to the UK in his late-teens, and fathered my eldest sister at just 19-years-old. I am so pleased he was a young Dad, because that meant we had years with him before he passed away aged 41.

I was very close to my father growing up and he was a huge character. Below I explore values that he lived by, and how they have shaped me:

Being unapologetically non-conformist. Barry was entirely comfortable in his own skin and his decision making ignored the crowd, instead striving to be the best he could be. I love this value and regularly forge my own path even though I may seem odd or non-conformist. Nonetheless, I don’t experience the same level of comfort that my father did, I often feel ashamed, anxious, and conflicted by taking my own path. This is a work in progress for me.

Giving 100% effort. Barry was father to four children, regularly worked two jobs, was a perpetual student, and passionate about multiple hobbies. He appeared relaxed and fulfilled, but massively driven and gave 100% to whatever he took on. I am similar and I think that if you choose to commit to a task then you are choosing to commit to the effort that it needs too.

Curiosity and an insatiable appetite for learning. When Barry became terminally ill in his late thirties many of his goals were cut short prematurely, he was studying for his PhD at the time and never finished it. Yet, in his short life he was always learning and curious to try new things. I love this value and think it is fundamental to a growth mindset and living a fulfilled life.

Silliness. Practical jokes were a daily occurrence when Dad was home. He loved being a clown, watching slapstick comedy, and would follow you around the house singing silly ditties accompanied by his guitar. As a mum I continued this silliness, and love to play: with my family, friends, dogs, and even at work too.

Love and kindness. Growing up I have many memories of Dad telling me he loved me. I felt loved and turned to him when I needed support, even with girl stuff, for example, it was him that I went to for help when I started my periods. Barry also showed love and kindness in his actions, and this kindness extended beyond his immediate loved ones to complete strangers. He was enormously warm and generous, and the power of this has always stayed with me. 

Honesty and a deep-rooted sense of fairness. I recall my father chased down a guy that stole some lady’s handbag, then held him until the police arrived. That was just Dad. He found it so abhorrent that someone would steal he didn’t even think about the danger he was putting himself into. Dad’s sense of fairness was pervasive, and it sits at my core, if I don’t lean into it I feel conflicted.

There we have it, Barry Thirkettle, what an awesome man! Thank you for being a wonderful father, role model, and a genuinely fabulous human being. I’ll treasure the memories forever, and endeavour to pass these positive values on through my actions, bringing kindness and humility to everybody I meet 🌎❤️🌎