JOANNA CAREW

I think it was Fran Millar that said honesty isn’t a licence to be a dickhead, and she’s right. But this week I realised – albeit unintentionally – I’d been that kind of dickhead.

I try to live by my life values, with integrity and kindness, and to treat everyone around me as I would like to be treated.

Then I sent a couple of emails: one bluntly giving notice to end a contract, and the other absolutely slating a product sample I had been sent. Both emails were harsh, devoid of compassion and humanity and I certainly wouldn’t have enjoyed receiving them.

So what was going on?!! Why was I being a dickhead?!

I think my self-critic was on the loose! I often have to check that critic in my head as it wants to beat me up if I’m not “good enough”. Part of my mental illness was a need to seek perfection, which I’ve learnt to check and instead now strive to do my best.

However, sometimes when I’m stressed and not engaging with self awareness, my self-critic comes out to play and just takes over, I don’t even notice it happening!

So, this time it was those emails, other times it’s been verbal exchanges. But I justify it as “… well I’m just being honest.”

No, Jo, you’re being a dick and it’s always possible to be honest without being unnecessarily mean. This was such a good reminder of that.

When I realised what I had done I contacted both people involved and apologised, amazingly they were both understanding and one said she struggles with the same issue.

I found it awkward apologising but it was part of not being a dickhead, and I was humbled by the reactions of people I had been offensive to.

So, there we are thank you @fran millar I agree that honesty absolutely isn’t a licence to be a dickhead, and I promise to keep trying to live by that philosophy!