JOANNA CAREW

I’m a 41-year old white, straight, female living in the UK. I’m aware of the incredible privileges in being born white, British and middle class, and for that I am immensely grateful. 

At times I have relied on the giant safety net that underpins British citizens, and without the NHS and welfare benefits I am not sure I would have survived to climb back to where I am today. This my story ….

The 3rd of 4 siblings my early childhood was idyllic in many ways, growing up in the countryside and surrounded by animals. However, I was a social mis-fit and suffered severe bullying, abusive relationships, and I lost my beloved father to cancer at 18. During my teenage years I turned from an academic overachiever to barely attending school, leaving with just 8 GCSEs and then became a single mum at 20. 

I adored my baby, Alfie, and worked hard to support him, being both employed and self-employed, and as he grew I did too. Gradually I developed enough self-esteem to return to education, and dreamt of becoming a lawyer. I gained an Access to HE Diploma in Law and started a law degree at the University of Leeds.

Then in the autumn of 2011 my world came crashing down …

Seemingly out of nowhere I suffered a massive breakdown. Boom! Everything completely fell apart, it was like the life I’d built just shattered and lay in pieces alI around me. On 05 April 2012 I was incarcerated in a psychiatric hospital following my third suicide attempt. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression with psychosomatic symptoms that left me stuttering, compulsively twitching, and unable to walk. In turn, my little Alfie had his own struggles seeing his momma so ill and incapacitated. It was a heart-breaking period of our lives.

Initially my recovery was painfully slow, I was living on benefits, medicated to the eyeballs, and I was told that I would probably never work again. But I think it was my love for Alfie that gripped me, and instead of giving in I started hustling. I was going to recover and he was going to have a happy life.

My recovery was punishing but as I healed so did Alfie. He got a bursary for boarding school, passed all of his GCSEs, then A-levels, secured a place to study philosophy at Newcastle University, and he graduates this summer! Then he’s off to travel the world – I am so so proud of that boy.

I transformed my life too. By 2021, I was medication-free, married, and had graduated university with first-class honours and distinctions in BSc Rural Studies, a Post Graduate Diploma in Law and the Legal Practice Course. Plus, I had won a solicitor training contract with a commercial law firm

In the same year I also went into business with my dentist husband, starting a squat dental practice together. I could see the business had huge potential and made the painful decision to shelve my legal career and throw myself full hog into dentistry. My husband delivered the dentistry and I, completely clueless, took on the rest. We did well and in our first full year of trading we turned over £795,000 using two surgeries part-time.

Fast-forward to May 2024, there’s more turbulence as my husband and I split up at the end of last year, and we’re now navigating life as business partners rather than lovers. This has been extremely painful and confusing, but as I begin to heal I am enjoying refocusing on the business to push it to new heights.

Linking back to my Who am I? post, I’ve put a lot of work into understanding why I have conflicting personalities and insecurities. Now I feel safe to heal them; it’s time to continue my journey of exploration and growth.

Life so far has been one hell of a rollercoaster, and despite everything, I feel more resilience and joy in being alive than ever before. I adore my boy, and actually, I am pretty proud of the person I am becoming too!